The "Mommy side" of me struggles but knows this achievement of being cancer free and a survivor is the greatest gift I will ever give my children and family!

Between all the doctor appointments, labs, ultra sounds and interviewing reconstructive surgeons it is not difficult for things to intertwine together and get muddled. Throw in my five children, four car pools, football five days a week, my oldest job schedule and all in between. I am very good at my job as president of my family, my organization alone is impeccable. Not only am I blessed, I love what I do. When I walked away from nursing to be at home it was the best thing I have ever done in life.
Now that I am living with my "new normal" even tho it will not last forever I find myself really struggling on the medical side of this journey currently.
The reconstruction side of it as I said some decisions are easy and others are very taxing. I am very excited to have my last AC chemo ( the harder drug combo) this Friday 9/5 as I feel is a rite of passage as I have earned, learned and fought to get rid of my tumor in that first chapter of becoming cancer free.
I can see vaguely the light shining as I enter what I'm told are "far less taxing drugs" administered weekly to end chemo in December.


The specialist have yet to all agree and concur as we have really received different opinions and options headed into the next phase the surgery that it can become confusing and difficult as the decisions I make can have a lifetime result or effects that can quickly leave me with little choices.
I will continue to ask questions, read and work through all opinions taking a little from each physician until I arrive at the correct decisions for me.
Its a blessing as I was able to connect and see Gods will clearly in my guidance to my surgeon and oncologist. I do however know and trust I will be led to the well lit path and the correct choices again as I need to not let the confusion and difference of opinion sway me and misguide me.
I have very important choices that ultimately can and will effect my life as I know God will provide and answer our prayers as he has always done.

The struggles currently are from my "mommy side". I know the current  reality as my children need me healthy and to stay on coarse with chemo to end this current phase of treatment. My drive to be disease free at surgery and complete radiation so I walk away a survivor and not look back is the biggest and greatest achievement I will ever do for myself and family!
The difficult part is missing some of my children's achievements this year. My 1st grader has been working on a writing assignment and will read it Thursday. Rob and I think outside the box and he will go record it for me so we can watch it at dinner as a family so Mom gets to see it.
I go to a few football practices and sit on a blanket in the shade away from everyone.
Some of the holidays will be difficult as the preschool Thanksgiving party Daddy too will attend.

When on chemo and a weekly schedule its so important to stay well as my WBC counts go from low to normal often. Even if they are on a normal count day if I get sick a low grade fever 100.4 it can be life threatening on chemo and certainly alter my treatment coarse so I take great precautions. No church as I will send Rob to take them to Sunday school and I pray at home. No elementary schools, preschools, crowds of people or children.
We do have five kids and must have some normalcy as neighborhood kids do come play at my home they just wash their hands. I cant live in a bubble I just cant take unnecessary ricks either.

I look forward to chemo graduation early December and my immune system being intact and celebrating the close of that chapter.
I know next school year as Addy enters kindergarten, Max and I can go have lunch with his big sisters and watch football games from the bleachers. I will really cherish all achievements and personal goals all my children make as I see clearly the gift of life.

My support system is so truly great the blessing is simply humbling.My husband reschedules meetings to attend his children s milestones because their Mom is unable. When I need rest he shuts the door and steps into "big shoes" as five kids are really a two parent job, but God has strengthen him as his ability to sustain a demanding career and take on a second job (mine) is a blessing in itself.
Our 15 year old whom steps up to the plate and helps with his siblings and 11 year old also and is not opposed to changing a diaper.
My parents and siblings, brother in law who work effortlessly to organized a Harley bike run in Florida in October to help with my surgeons portion and radiation bills we will need to prepay thousands. They to in spite of their children, careers, and busy lives spend countless hours to help us.
My caregiver who is God sent and amazing with my 20 month old and children and the car pools as I'm at the doctors or chemo chair.

All the support for meals people drop off and support from friends and neighbors. Woman who offer tips, advice and support who too live with or have survived cancer.
I feel like it really does take a village and due to all levels of great support my recovery is a very efficient machine in all faucets.

I feel Gods grace as well as all my love and support and am so grateful. I pray for the less fortunate and try to lend my support in ways I'm able so they too can heal and recover as I am.

I have an ultrasound Wednesday as I am excited. The first one was used for my diagnosis 7 weeks ago (feels like a life time) and showed that UGLY tumor on the right side of my breast and under arm lymph node.
They are now GONE so I will see normal breast tissue as I have earned it and cant wait to see it!
I will update Wednesday after my ultrasound.
Please know my eye has never left the prize as I will finish this fight and am already victorious  in many ways.

Prayers needed

Please pray My last AC chemo treatment will have mild side effects, my new treatment as well and that I'm not allergic to the new drugs.

Please pray I'm able to make the correct decisions with my upcoming surgery

God Bless and know I pray for all of you

I hope you grab many silver linings and blessings as I do, life is an amazing gift


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