I never expected to question my vanity when forced to make the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy or to keep my breast ~ I Prevailed against TNBC & YOU CAN TOO!

I consider myself a very content, self secure woman. That being said I am a woman and as most of us ladies will admit we notice every flaw on our bodies. We are judgmental and harsh on ourselves, attempting to reach for youth, beauty and to achieve all tasks even tho that regimen demands we operate at a mile a minute and sacrifice so much of our selves. 

When I was diagnosed with TNBC (triple negative breast cancer) in 7/2014, among the million tasks, questions, physicians, and life altering treatments I never expected to question my vanity when forced to make the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy or to keep my breast. 

Its very interesting to me that physicians can be so different (non uniform) from A to Z with advice, their suggestions and recommendations on the topic of mastectomy. Even the statics and risks can be told very differently. I realize we are all uniquely different, have different stages, and need individual treatments. I was stage three and had three different oncologist give me three different risk factors and opinions. So as a patient, confused, frighten, emotional, and realizing the decision you must make to keep your breast or to remove them can and will effect your entire life.

I took a step back from the confusion, read, did research, weighed the risk vs all benefits, had faith and prayed, and asked myself difficult questions. 

It really became easy and very clear to me I was not living with my breast, that had already attempted to take my life. I wanted to know I reduced all the risk, and reduced the chance of a recurrence. I wanted to live, be a mother to my five children, and reduce my worry. To know I did all I could and gave myself the best chance to live a healthy life. I wanted to of battled cancer and WON only once.

I had a bilateral mastectomy and nipple removal on 11/13/2014 and had a PCR (no cancer cells found).

Upon my pathology report a few days after my bilateral they found non cancerous, but abnormal cells in my left breast tissue also. My tumor was in the right breast, not left. All my scans, and ultra sounds would never detect the left breast of what could of possibly been brewing. Again the bilateral mastectomy was the best decision I have ever made.

The surgery was really mild considering, I do not take narcotics so I was on a strong Tylenol for a few days and switched to ibuprofen. I was grocery shopping three days later in a large sweat shirt to hide my bandages and drainage tubes. The tubes are removed within seven days of the surgery and are really just an inconvenience. My pain was only mildly uncomfortable. My chest looked strange and flat to me as the expanderas to stretch my chest muscle where slightly filled. Over the coarse of three months I visited my reconstruction physician and had more fluid inserted to gradually stretch my muscle. Again no real pain just uncomfortable for me. February, 2015 I had my first implants placed behind my chest muscle and was home the same night. I was able to be a mom to my kids and did remarkably well. I could not lift my toddler, but had him sit in my lap instead.

My breast looked great, and my scars are sideways. They start well off to the side of my breast and are not visible in bikini tops, or low cut tops. They did look a bit strange with no nipples however 3D nipple tattoos are a "game changer" and can really make your breast look bigger in the mirror to yourself, and normal again. My suggestion is to try 3D nipple temporary stick tattoos first before making a decision. I will provided all info at the bottom of the page. I had an option to have a protrude forming a nipple, a minor surgery I was told it is in the physicians office where they pull your skin and form a nipple. After healing, it can be tattooed to look more like a natural nipple. I personalty did not want to "look cold" and love the smooth "optical illusion of the 3D nipple tattoo, as I can wear a tank top bra-less now.

So my 1st set of implants I will admit (its extremely rare) aggravated my armpit muscle, so I had them removed and a completely different set of implants placed on 11/2015. They are absolutely fabulous. They look natural, you would not be able to detect in a bathing suit top that they are implants. They truly look natural. They do get cold in the winter, so I wear a padded bra on cold days to stay warm. 

Its important to realize the ones who love us do not see the scars and what we are so critical of ourselves as women. 

My husband truly and honestly does not notice my scars at all. My scars have no barring and have not changed our intimate relationship at all. I look and feel sexier now in a low cut top and bikini after my bilateral than I did with my natural breast. I now personalty bypass my scars in the mirror and feel great about my decisions, and implants. I have a scene of more security and feel like a whole woman. I also lowed my recurrence risks and that alone was worth the surgeries for myself and family.

I get asked often by many women in treatment if they should have a bilateral mastectomy, or a lumpectomy. 

I can not answer the question for them. I can share my personal decisions, and my experiences, and outcome in hope that it is another piece to help make their personal decision a bit easier.

Please go to this website and look at this expert in  3D nipple tattoos and view the pictures

www.ReneeMaschinot.com

www.vinniemyers.com

TEMPORARY nipple tattoos (purchase on line and try first)

www.nippletattoos.com 

Please see a picture below and know life resumes after breast cancer, you can look beautiful after a bilateral mastectomy. 

I am posting a recent picture of myself at a concert 8/2016 with my husband so you can see after my surgeries I look natural. 

My thoughts and prayers are always with my pink sisters. Know you can prevail as I did. There is a bright light, treatment does end. Life returns to normal, you walk away stronger, wiser, and become steel. A positive mental attitude is 80% off the battle won! 

May you heal in Gods speed and let your faith guide you

When you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans! I am kind and smile often as the the only control I have, is how I live and treat others! TNBC SURIVOR

When I won  the battle with cancer and earned the title of survivor I was told by other survivors I would forever be changed and view life differently.

It has been two years now, and I can now relate to what it really means when you survive and realize what a miracle it truly is to live life.

Simply because my health has returned and enabled me to return to normalcy in my family (I thank God) does not mean daily constant reminders are not present in my life.

I did chose to to retain my CFO role (running my entire family of 7) five are my children and take it up a notch to teach and encourage my kids to really live life.  We are cherishing all the experiences along with the ups and downs with our kids.

My daily life is busy and what I call constructive chaos.Our families day is filled with  fun, happiness, laughter, lots of taxi car time, hard work, team work, ups and downs, and a lot of love.

I am forever changed because in the back of my mind I always feel that I am a walking miracle. I fully realize I could of died and not be here to live life with my children and husband. I get teary eyed often, and emotional at mile stones and events. Sitting at freshman orientation in a gym full of people it is in the back of my mind I was very close to not being here. It a pure joy and a similar feeling when your child is born and laid on your chest. Its that kind of pure love and emotions that fill my heart when I get to meet the teacher, help look for colleges, shop for new school clothes, attend games, and share all life experiences with my kids. I am so blessed to be healthy and to share life with my kids, and husband.
I book trips and find a way to make them happen some how, so we can unplug, come together and share family time. I will never look back and say I should of. My kids are growing so quickly and I want to slow down and enjoy them.

I spoke with a friend yesterday who lost her husband, he unexpectedly died last week. She spoke to me about when your faith is tested in life. She is relying on her faith and family, She still has her sense of humor, is working and determined to continue normalcy as her husband would want. She is strong as we all grieve differently.

I personally have numerous grand parents in heaven who I consider to be my guardian angles. I think between my life and all five kids, they watch over us and really get a good laugh.

I also chose a path after my diagnosis to blog, share very personal details of my treatments and surgeries to help others battling cancer. I am continuously involved with agencies and groups that help others during their cancer battles. I develop friendships, share their battles, and sadly lose a few.
I see my scars daily from my bilateral mastectomy, I have blood test every there months, and yes although I'm very positive when I get a sniffle we do worry a bit as cancer will forever be in the back of my families minds.

My entire family has changed and it is certainly in many ways a positive change. We are stronger, we love fiercely. I do not let the small stuff weigh on me. I am not caught up in fear, anger nor will I ever let someone or a uncontrolled event take away my happiness. My emotions I wear, as I really enjoy every moment. So if you find me teary eyed know it is from joy and happiness.

Instead of having a cheering section when I was ill (the cheers rattled heaven) I can now be in the cheering section and you should hear my roar!

No complaints here as I'm happy, wide open, feeling all the love and really living life.

I have a blood test next week, and am planing our first lake trip Labor day weekend. We are in full swing football season is hear, as we are so excited to watch our freshman play. Our oldest is graduating early, as he only needed two more credits. He is heading to college. Our daughters will be in the 2nd grade and 1st grade. Our three year old is finally potty trained.

My prayers are always with my pink sisters. I am asking that you pray for a friend of mine who is stage 4. She has sustain (kept it under control) many years now, but is having symptoms and not doing well currently.

God is good each and everyday! When you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans!

I am kind and smile often as the only control I have, is how I live and treat others!

Behind you are all your memories and in front of you chase your dreams! You are your only boundary~

I just heard a few quotes that sum up how I feel

"Lions don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep"

When we are faced with any life altering events, life's unforeseen, or anything not in our control
it is how you react, rise, treat others, Walk down the new path with confidence and faith, the people you hold near in your life, and CHOOSE to live life lovingly.

I am approached by complete strangers often and asked
Are they all 5 yours? (umm No I just drive through the neighbor hood pick up random kids and pay their dinner bill)
Do they have the same Dad? (I'm not sure once all the test come back I will let you know)
2nd marriage? I have had a few more than that)
Is he adopted? (I think so)
Don't you know what causes that? (Robs quote: Have you seen my wife?)
Are you done? (Is anyone ever done?)
I'm sorry! (I realize this)
I am smarter than you because I stopped at two.(What three of my 5 should I tell)
Do you home school? (I am not educated in teaching, Teachers have degrees to teach)
I don't know how you do it ( I will line up the kids today and tell them I quit)

I am joking with my replies above as I do not waist energy and my time to reply at all
I never answer as I do not feel a desire or need to address, explain, or answer what is non of their business. I find it really humorous in fact.

I have also lost many whom I consider a friend when I was diagnosed with breast cancer (my life's unforeseen event)
To my surprise some I would of never thought, not a, I'm praying for you, you will be fine, a simple text, phone call message or card. My own biological father and many family members on my husbands side never reached out to us at all.
Now that I am well and return to my normal life I see some who have lost interest and no longer communicate with me.

I drive and see the horns blowing and road rage, frowns at the grocery lines. People too busy to stop and help someone.
I refuse to let the little things interfere and shadow over my light shining brightly.

We now have two totaled cars (one in fact had my 3 little ones as the front nor side airbags never deployed and we walked away unharmed)

I have said many many times, finances and money do not define me
I can lose my home tomorrow and God always will provided and I trust in him.
Our children have been through our ups and downs and will land on their feet with their own challenges life can bring because they have not been sheltered and experienced many unforeseen.

I feel such happiness and am so blessed the negative does not interrupt my life
I am here, I am healthy and I am raising 5 complete BLESSINGS with my best friend of 21 years my husband!


To my children

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed  in the things you did not do than the things you did!
Behind you are all your memories and in front of you chase your dreams! You are your only boundary.
Do not tell me you cant, you mean you wont, because if you really want it you WILL!

Courage is not the absence of fear it's the conquest of it! The sky is the limit! Your positive mental attitude is 80% of any battle or achievement already won, add faith a leap!

Happiness comes from within you and it really shines through and is infectious!

I truly and honestly have no anger , disappointment towards any friend or family member in the least. I cant control their actions nor comprehend how they think or feel. I simply have complete forgiveness in my heart. I am so full of love and happiness.

My life is all about dancing in the rain, not waiting idle for any storm to pass

God is good each and everyday!

I was invited to speak at "live Strong' this fall in hope to help others with cancer, ease their fears and help in any way I am able. I still am blessed as I am given the privilege to help others often and share all the positive outcomes. I am sprinting (not walking) on that fork in the road I was projected down that ended up being the path I am intended to be on. My life is forever changed for the better and is enhanced with knowledge, strength and love.

I trust, have faith, no fear, laugh, love, recover quickly, and live everyday with happiness and a smile
I woke up breathing today so its going to be a great day! Its that simple!

I am doing great, am graduating to a blood test every 6 months instead of every 3. My last cancer detection blood test came back perfect!
I am upon my 2 year cancer survivor anniversary

I will have a graduate next year and my 2nd oldest is entering high school. Elementary school is great fun watching my daughters grow and learn. Our 3 year old is learning and growing by leaps and bounds

My son will be the class of 2020, when our youngest graduates he will be the class of 2032!
We are gearing up to have one in college one in high school two in elementary and one in preschool! I am here I am healthy and I am holding their hands,and experiencing all their milestones and dreams coming true! I have no problems!

God Bless

I have lost two recently to TNBC breast cancer, I look at my children, and realize every milestone, tantrum, smile,and hug is a gift and how privileged I am to enjoy the time I am given.

As I turn forty three in a few weeks, I have never felt better. At this point in my life not only am I comfortable in my own skin, the knowledge, trials, and lessons learned have strengthen me. I am a firm believer that forty is the new thirty. We are all living longer and are certainly more youthful lives. Having five children from teens, elementary age to one in diapers keeps me feeling very youthful, however beating cancer and all its lessons has earned me wisdom beyond my years.

I am approaching my two year cancerversity and am humbled by all my experiences, lessons, blessings, and knowledge gained. Its has come as no surprise of the people who did not remain in my life during my diagnosis and battle. As in any difficult situation in life, we find out who are worthy of remaining and standing beside us. I completely appreciate the ability to see them clearly and only be surrounded by love and true friends. What did come as complete surprise are the people I have lost now that I'm well, and lack of interest now that I am cancer free.
Unfortunately while on vacation I lost two friends to breast cancer. The reality of this disease is surreal to me due to my lack of understanding how many defeat it and others succumb. Many stage 4's are doing remarkably well with stable disease, shrinking tumors, or even no evidence of cancer at all. I never lose faith or hope, and always remember those who left behind children and families in my prayers. This disease can be completely random as with myself no gene mutation, nor family history, I was simply 1 in 8 women diagnosed with no merit or reason. As in any of life's unforeseen events, and challenges, or even life threatening difficulties, it is how we rise to the occasion and make the choice to not let it destroy us and only make us better ourselves that defines us. Those we have lost are in bliss as its us left behind who tend to morn and suffer. The ones we miss would not want us to be anything less than happy in our lives.
I realize how blessed I am to be with my children and living a healthy life every day. I am one of the lucky ones, who will never take a moment for granted. The randomness of any life's unforeseen events or moments can be both tragic or unexpectedly blissful. I chose to live happily and not let any negative person or moment  take that away from me. I lead by example and will remain positive and happy.
As I have lost two recently to breast cancer, I look at my children, and realize every milestone, tantrum, smile,and hug is a gift and how privileged I am to enjoy the time I am given. It is as simple as I have been given a gift and everyday I have my health and family , I have no problems.
I am approaching my 18th anniversary (we are a true love story) and with out my husband holding my hand, holding me up, and his being there at every turn, I would  not of successfully beat this horrible disease. I refuse to arrive at any negative from my battle as all the positive has enabled me to be a better wife, mother and person.
I do feel passionately as I am healthy
due to Gods will. I will continue to help others, and share my story of faith, hope and the miracles and support others in their journeys.
I take solitude in our love ones watching over us and know that with faith and God the pain will ease.

I am currently having simple blood tests every three months for an additional year and will then drop to every six months until year five. I am thrilled to report I am only having minimal check ups. After my 3rd surgery last November I have more than paid my dues and now have non invasive routine check ups.
My life is back to normal in full swing, as I have never felt better and have plenty of energy to sustain my big brood. I am traveling and enjoying all life has to offer.
I want to say to those still battling, that there is the return to a normal life. As far as life in treatment consider it to be your new normal, and you too can defeat it! The people battling stage 4 are a true example on how to live life and are inspirational.

I always keep my pink sisters in my thoughts and prayers. We are supportive of one another and can truly relate to this horrific disease.

Fierce conversations had a positive impact on my defeating TNBC

Having the ability to have fierce conversations with people certainty played a positive roll in my treatments and conversations with my team of physicians. It also had  a positive impact in my defeating TNBC.

My entire life I have spoken  openly, am direct, express my opinions and emotions easily. As I became an adult I realized the importance of having fierce conversations with people and my family. It enabled me to have the ability to be my own advocate and spare myself  prolonged treatments I did not need. I had a fierce conversation with a Duke oncologist when I was completely cancer free having heart compilations due to treatment, who wanted to protocol me instead of having an individualized treatment plan for my personal needs. He had a answer in the form of a "pill" for everything and even tho I was cancer free and headed into a bilateral mastectomy he wanted me to endure the same treatment as his other patients whom still had cancer and sit for ten additional toxic chemo treatments. When I had a fierce conversation with him telling him no thank you, he then called me a bad mother who had five kids on the line, proceeded to tell me I would wake up with cancer all through my lymph nodes, refused to order my port removal, and attempt to bully me. All due to his God like complex, inability to individualize my treatment needs and my standing up and saying no thank you. Unfortunately many are so scared and due to the pressure they oblige "everything and the kitchen sink". Decisions never come easily as every decision made can be a game changer in the battle against cancer.
I had a fierce conversation with a leading radiologist whom told me I did not require radiation as I achieved a PCR (no cancer found and lymph nodes all clear) after my surgery. Not all agreed with that suggestion nor my decision. Again nothing ever comes easily in life and decisions are difficult when all the answers are not clear. I take a step back from all the opinions and suggestions, gather knowledge, pray and all becomes clear.
The fierce conversations I have strengthen my marriage and enabled us to remain friends and turn all hardships into strength and perseverance for the last twenty years.
I have always prayed people have conversations with their doctors, and do not allow fear to sway, or be a factor in their decision making.
I realize we all have different realities we live in, opinions, personality's and lives. There are many factors that contribute to our uniqueness, individuality, and us all being human. I feel the importance of communication, expression, and being honest with ourselves and others only enhances life and lives.
I am not always understood, agreed with, liked, or commended, however I am always honest with myself. My hope is my children will always be as well honest with themselves, and not let others actions or opinions weigh them down. It has not come easily at times to look inward at myself and be honest with myself, however I am certainly glad I did. Its invigorating to live life happily, on your own terms, to be steadfast in the decisions and actions that you feel you have made correctly. I want my children to not adapt to choices others wish or require, and to lead and follow their own will and dreams. Life is truly a blessing and a short journey. I have always maintained and feel passionately that our mental positive mind set is 80% of any battle or obstacle won. Cancer has not been easy, it has been life changing and in many regards it actually has enhanced both mine and my families lives. I never regret decisions, and I celebrate failure as its chalked up to not only a learning experience, but something I will not repeat again. I struggle with life's unforeseen events and its circumstances as we all do, however I do not ever let it define me, or take away my happiness. You must fall to get back up and heal to become stronger. Blessing surround us everyday, and I chose to be thankful for all of mine. It is as simple as I'm healthy and so are my children and family.



God is spectacular everyday

My thoughts and prayers are always with those fighting the battle and all less fortunate

I am just shy of my 43rd birthday, and its been 2 years since my TNBC breast cancer diagnosis. It has not been that long ago I fought and won my battle.

We have arrived in February 2016.  I am just a few months shy of my 43rd birthday and two years since my TNBC breast cancer diagnosis (July 2014). I find both surreal, as when I look at my teenage boys (that look like grown men) and my elementary daughters, with my youngest son still in diapers I certainly do not feel 43. My thoughts are "wow I'm not old enough to have teenagers" even tho we all realize I certainly am. With my having younger children, my mind plays tricks on me and makes me feel ,and think I'm younger. A blessing that helps me endure the marathon of parenting, and raising five kids.
As far as approaching two years since my stage 3 diagnosis, it really blows me away. I sit here healthy, and part of me reflects on my journey of chemo, three surgeries, scans, and all in between as it feels like a decade ago. Then there my three month tumor markers (blood test) coming in two days, and the insurance premium that increased by 35%, the hospital bills from Novembers surgery, my copay's for screenings, that are a constant reminder it was not that long ago I fought and won my battle.

Some of my goals have rendered a second place to my life and everyday responsibilities that raising five kids, a large family entails. No crutches or excuses, as I would not change anything, not even my cancer diagnosis two years ago. Every step, all the falls, only made me even stronger and given my more ability to be even more effective in my everyday life. You must fall to be able to get up, and stand stronger. I have held true to some of my goals, and continue to reach out and help others as I am able.

Its interesting for me to hear celebrities (not all) complain about their personal breast cancer journeys, and how its been so tough on them. I would hope they would turn it into something positive and help others as they too have a responsibility to do so. Money is never a cure all, and certainty has a negative ,down side. As I personality struggle with mountains of medical bill, high insurance premiums, co insurance, and copay's, I absolutely still have it remarkably well. I meet single Moms who are fighting cancer alone, they have all the financial difficulties as I do. They are also holding down full time jobs, and raising children all while enduring chemo and surgeries.
I have a husband who is so much more than my partner, he is my best friend. He has held my hand through every scan (when I was feeling claustrophobic) he was in the radiation room right beside me. He has wiped my tears, picked me up off bathroom floors when chemo made me ill. He doesn't see my scars and always tells me how strong and beautiful I am. He has been to every appointment and continues to be there for all my test and check up's currently. My teenagers have baby sat countless hours for mom to see doctors. My seventeen year old offered and gave up his actual 17th birthday (11-12) with all his friends to babysit by himself all day, and car pool all his siblings, so I could have my final surgery on (11-12). I am blessed and extremely  lucky to have the family I have. We are a great team. I could not of fought and won my battle with out them holding me up. My life I live is a blessing everyday. I will never forget my oldest sons face when he looked at me on Mothers day and reminded me how blessed I am to be here with them and to of won the battle. I am healthy ,my children and husband are healthy, I truly have no problems. Money will come and go but it will never define me, or prohibit me from living my life in any way.
As I approach my birthday and cancer anniversary, I am relived all treatments are over. I feel amazingly blessed, fortunate, to be healthy and loved. I'm here, and I'm good, I'm really good. I have already hit my "power ball" lottery in life, and cant be happier with my outcome. Cancer never made me weak, it made me steel.

I pray for all the less fortunate people and children as we all battle something.

I say "God is great each and everyday"!

With faith, perseverance, and a positive mindset not only can we over come all battles, we can lift and help others as well!

I have pure faith my tumor markers will be very low~ I will update the results in a few weeks.